Let’s just get to it then, shall we?

It’s not as if I fall off my chair with alarm every time a new study comes out discrediting a nugget of time-tested weight-loss or health wisdom, but still this one surprised me:

Women’s magazines and diet gurus have long promised that if you gulp a lot of water, you’ll feel full and eat less, and the pounds will melt away.

If only it were that easy. Unfortunately, that’s one of the biggest diet myths out there.

Setting aside my feelings about the article’s insipid wordplay and tired old reinforcement the “thin = healthy” paradigm (this is MS-NBC, mind you, so I don’t expect much either in the way of intelligent writing or progressive thinking), I am just tickled pink to hear this news. Water as weight-loss tool ranks right up there with “use a smaller plate” and “put your fork down between bites” on the list oft-repeated tactics for diet trickery. I, as a near-lifetime dieter, am subsequently a prodigious water drinker yet never could trick myself into believing that a glass of water was equivalent to a cheeseburger. Of course I attributed my lack of success to my own physiological or mental failings rather than question the validity of water as a substitute for actual nourishment. Which is pretty fucking absurd, now that I think about it.

So it is with great happiness that I learn that I cannot, actually “sip my way to skinny.” And it is with commensurate happiness that I read about all the other ways that water is still good for you, since despite its washout as a weight-loss aid, I’m still a firm believer in the benefits of sufficient hydration and I would hate to find out that eight years of daily admonitions to my husband to “Drink more water!” had all been in vain.